For the last few years, I have felt stabby, punchy, depressed, beat down, and looking for hope all over the place but failing to find it. Until yesterday . . .
I hear folks all the time asking why God ‘does bad stuff to them?” Listen, people, God doesn’t ‘do bad stuff to you,’ your free will intermingled with the free will of all the other billions of people on the planet, and countless other facets to life ‘do’ things to you, not God. God loves us beyond our comprehension so why would He trip you up? He wouldn’t, so stop blaming Him and utilize the one thing He gave you to get through . . . prayer! Yes, prayer and faith are the two things that happen when shit hits the fan, as you pray to get through it, you build your faith up and lean on God, after all, I’m pretty sure that’s what He wants.
Let me shoot it at ya from another angle. God made me and lo and behold, He gave me the ability to ‘make’ another human being from my body. The kids that I have produced are gifts that I had a hand in making. Now, why in the hell would I trip my own kids up or throw a stick in their spokes or cause them any other sadness? I wouldn’t because I have unconditional love for them and only want a happy life for them. Get it?
Now, some of you won’t get it, especially if you have never experienced the miracle of making a baby, growing that baby inside your person, and then birthing them 9 or so months later. Words cannot express the awe that fills your entire being with this ‘happening.’
Okay, let me get to my point or I’ll start going off on abortion and life and conception, etc.
I have been struggling with several ‘things’ in my life over the last few years and if any of you know me personally or have read anything I have posted to Facebook, blogs, etc., you will know that I have asked for prayers here and there as things got really bad and I felt like I was drowning along with the Professor and my two kids, but . . .
Every once in awhile, one of my shoot from the hip prayers while walking around Wal-mart trying to skirt people on scooters who want to tell you about their body parts and the unworking body parts of their husband’s gets answered. Maybe not in the exact way I would have expected, as my expectations can be quite low sometimes and I love the occasional surprises when something completely incredible happens.
For example, I have started a satellite clinic at a wonderful private school designed for those kids that fall through the cracks in our city/county/some private schools because their learning style is not conducive to the way they teach, which is wrong because the greatest teacher gets their education across on a subject in a way that the student can and should learn. A circle does not fit in a square, y’all, it just doesn’t unless you severe the edges, which is what happens a lot in our schools. I was one of the ‘crack kids’ who had bits of me severed so I can attest to the struggle, anxiety, and depression that follows right along with you lying in the crack with your severed parts, hence me being an OT.
So, when my dear friend whose son I saw for OT decided to found this awesome school, she calls me one day and says, “I did it, now come on and be our OT.” I was thrilled and jumped on board. However, a stick was thrown in our spokes just about the time I was almost finished setting up the clinic to begin seeing her students for OT. An international religious studies group, as this school is in a rented church building space, needed the clinic space because the space that they usually occupy was being renovated. So, all the hard work me and some of the school kids did to help me, had to be packed up and stored, including the tearing down of all of the posters on the walls, which sucked.
I was really bummed but understood. I got a little antsy because I have had several new referrals at my primary clinic and I had blocked off two mornings for this new satellite clinic and was concerned it would never happen as those blocked spaces sat empty without OT kids in there. I emailed my friend/founder of the school and kinda got panicked as she assured me things were going to roll probably mid-January but I still worried.
Then, I found myself pulling my daughter out of her high school for several reasons, see a few blogs ago, and started homeschooling her in those very blocked spots that were set aside for the satellite clinic but were not being used yet. So God, in His infinite wisdom, prolly made this happen on purpose so I could help get my daughter rolling on homeschool. A blessing in disguise.
More recently, yesterday actually, a miracle happened. This was the one worry that has probably been the reason for many tearful nights, increased blood pressure, nose bleeds (new for me), and countless other things I won’t list here for fear you might feel so sorry for me and that would gross me out. I don’t like folks feeling sorry for me as I am capable but just get tripped up sometimes, like all of us.
The miracle set my fears aside as well as my two kids who have been tearful, depressed, and worried about it too. God definitely had a hand in this latest ‘happy’ and this situation could not be possible without Him and the other party involved, that is all I will say on this subject. You know who you are and thank you, just thank you.
I have been through hell and back, but its the ‘back’ I’m most proud of. Don’t forget to carefully study your ‘back’ because that is the very thing that builds in you strength, faith, integrity, and confidence. If you didn’t have a ‘back’ you’d never appreciate your journey forward.
Here’s to everyone’s ‘back!’
Love y’all!! ♥