Now, we all call flatulation something different. I’ve heard the following:
- Gassing off
- Cutting the cheese
- Ripping one
- My butt just burped
- Passing gas
- I just did an oopsy
Whatever you call it, it’s just darn funny when it happens but some folks bring it to a whole other level, my husband and son, for example, and sometimes the humor drains right out of the situation.
My husband finds it entertaining to lean to the opposite side while sitting next to me on the couch and blast it at me. Dude can’t stop laughing at this as I am gagging for clean oxygenated air. Sometimes, if the mood strikes him, he’ll rip one and then wave his cupped hand at me so the smell gets to me faster. “Oh thanks, honey, I’m so flattered by your generosity, really.”
He also has this Heisman trophy pose type move when he is standing to rip one and I have to admit that this particular move is quite funny, although the aftermath of the move is not.
Now, my son likes to do what I like to call drive-by farting. When he gets the urge, he will run by me timing the enormous farts he seems to be able to produce so that they spray all over my person as he runs the hell off. That kid must eat a shit ton of beans y’all and I’m not the one feeding them to him!
He also likes to fart in your face if he happens to catch you asleep. My daughter has been the victim of this move and I’m here to tell you I thought she would murder her brother. Again, where’d he get them beans?
My sweet OT kids crack me up while they are working in the clinic and they pass gas because they think I can’t hear it but they soon discover that yes, I did hear it and it’s darn funny!
Well, today, I have been blessed with some fun gas, I’m not sure why as I have not changed my eating in any way. As I’m working with one of my OT kids, it is everything I can do not to let one rip, actually several rip, it was bad, y’all. And you know how your insides start feeling when you hold back, well, I thought, “If I have to hold anymore back, I’m gonna launch myself up into the damn air,” but I held fast.
After my OT kid’s departure, I filled up the whole clinic and thought, “Good God, I’m going to kill a kid with what’s floating around in here.” As I staggered sideways to go into the house to get some Lysol, my next OT kid showed up 10 minutes early and as he walked in, he looked right at me and said, “Eeeew, what happened in here,” as I observed a huge waft of it float out the clinic door. Because I am pure and free of gas or smelly number 2’s, I said, “Oh, the last OT kid had some serious gas!” I’m going to hell for sure.
And I don’t care who the hell you are when an old person passes gas in church and it can be heard all the way up there in heaven, you’ll just have to remove me because I can’t help myself but be totally cracked the hell up and I can’t stop! And you know the sweet old lady knows you are laughing at her but she just sings and farts on, y’all!
What a thing to blog about huh? Well, I just couldn’t help it.
Keep on fartin’ on y’all!