They say that a home is a person’s castle or your home is where your heart is and many many other things about a home, but for me and my two kids, our home helped us to heal.
Let me back way up . . .
I gave up 16 years of my life to a man that didn’t deserve me or my love and although those 16 years were hell, I got two of the best prizes from it . . . my son and my daughter. Now, I know I’m biased but my kids are two of the coolest kids around. They don’t meet a stranger, have many many friends, have good manners, for the most part, get complimented a lot on what good kids they are, are funny, smart, and so on.
Now, this always surprises me, not because they aren’t good kids but because my fear of the exposure they had to those years born into my empty abusive marriage and the aftermath of the divorce over 5 years ago. My prayers at night were that we hadn’t ruined them because of our bad choices and ultimately, our divorce.
You see a home that is good for kids born into them needs to be tranquil, kind, loving, and peaceful but this was so far removed from that and I worried.
Moreover, building a ridiculously too big and too fancy home to save a marriage or at least busy the mind and heart in another direction so as not to look at the ugly marriage we had just doesn’t work.
Oh yes, I had the big ass house on the hill, the big ass house on the other side of the tracks but it wasn’t a home y’all, no, no it wasn’t. Oh yes, we had every upgrade, every gadget of amazement to make our lives easier, oversized rooms, a big ass kitchen, which is ironic considering I really never cooked in it because certain people have food issues and preferred to go out, and on and on. We had the perfect neighborhood, perfect friends, and what appeared from the outside, the perfect life. Ha!
You can have all of the niceties of life, the nice house, the awesome car, the 2 kids who just happened to be a boy and a girl (yay, one of each), you can go to church every Sunday, play golf anytime you want, etc, etc, but all those fancies don’t make a home and can’t cover up the cracks that you are trying to hold together by your material things and false outside appearances.
I had it all and was damn happy when I lost it all because honestly, I had nothing because I didn’t have love. There was not love in my big house on the hill . . . oh sure, I had tremendous mama bear love for my kids and shielded them from a lot, protected them, and hid them when necessary, yes, it was that bad, but not spousal love, nope, not at all.
I was promised, after the divorce, that we could stay in the big house for several months so as not to pull another rug out from under the kids, but that promise was broken a few months later. My two kids and I were devastated but it was necessary, it really was.
As soon as my realtor showed me my “healing house” I knew, “This is the one.” After negotiations, some flooring that needed to be laid down, a roof for the front porch, closet makeovers, paint, and blinds . . . it dawned on me that I had just bought a whole house all by myself and I was damn proud y’all, I really was.
For the first time in 16 years, I finally knew what peace and tranquility felt like in a home, yes a home. Our healing home was full of love, some pain, and active healing. You see, my son became a heavy gamer for the first time in his life. He stayed up in his room gaming and healing for exactly 1 year and I let him even though it went against everything that I believed in. I just knew that he needed it for his healing and after that year was up, he brought down his gaming system and everything that goes with it and said, “I’m done with this, I’m ready to be with my friends and be outside.” His healing was done and I was so glad.
My daughter and I drowned ourselves in Sponge Bob Square Pants shows and any other cartoon she wanted to watch. We cuddled, cried, hugged, healed, and came out better on the other side.
Both of my kids required counseling and the Professor, while we were dating, became my counselor, but I didn’t know this at the time. He made me strong, he made me trust again, and he fell in love with me and I with him. My healing house became filled with love, a love I had never known before and doubt I had it when I married my first husband.
My kids adore this healing house and it has many memories, some bad, but mostly good. When me and the Professor got married, we made the decision to live in his house and I’m so glad we did, I love his house. I tried to sell the healing house but it just never sold so I have been renting it for the last 4 years.
I will be putting the healing house up for sale again on June 12, 2017 using my best friend and realtor to do this. I hope and pray that it sells this year and that it is a healing house for someone else and their kids. Lord knows it was for us.
My wish for all of you is that your house is full of love and if it’s not, you can either find it again, end it if necessary, and find peace and tranquility in a healing house of your own. A house should be a home filled with love and peace.
I finally have that now and I am more blessed than I ever thought possible.